(This makes you think!!)

A newly arrived soul in Heaven and was met by St. Peter. St. Peter and the soul took the A-tour around Heaven. They walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.

St. Peter stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received."

The soul looked at the section, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

They continued on until they reached the second section. St. Peter told the soul, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them."

The soul noted again how busy it was. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest corner of the room, the soul stopped at a very small station. To the surprise of the soul, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing.

"This is the Acknowledgment Section," St. Peter told the soul.

"How is it that? There's no work here?"

"So sad," St. Peter sighed. "After people receive the blessings they asked for, very few send acknowledgments."

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?"

"Simple," St. Peter answered. "Just say, 'Thank you, Lord'."

What blessings should they acknowledge?

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world."

"If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy."

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

Also ...

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the millions who will not even survive this week."

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 700 million people in the world."

"If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death ... you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world."

"If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare. If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to all those in doubt and despair."

"OK, what now? How can I start?"

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special, and, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

Att: Acknowledge Dept.: Thank You Lord!

"Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with."

                      AMEN

Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!...Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both!!! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself!

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We DO that!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this...and Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.   Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!!

Amzanig huh?

1. You think of Philadelphia as the Midwest.
2. You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.
3. You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).
4. You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
5. All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.
6. You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."
7. Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.
8. You don't think you have an attitude.
9. You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
10. Everything in town is "a five minute walk."
11. When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.
12. You still can't bear to watch highlights from game 6 of the 1986 World Series.
13. You have no idea what the word compromise means.
14. You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
15. You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.
16. You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic & stubborn.
17. You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something, or are from out of town.
18. Your favorite adjective is "wicked."
19. You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.
20. You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.

1. bizah = odd
2. flahwiz = roses, etc.
3. hahpahst = 30 minutes after the hour
4. Hahwahya? = How are you?
5. khakis = what we staht the cah with
6. pissah = superb
7. retahded = silly
8. shewah = of course
9. wikkid = extremely
10. yiz - you, plural
11. popcahn - popular snack

1. You wear a Harvard sweatshirt.
2. You cross at a crosswalk.
3. You ask directions to "Cheers."
4. You order a grinder and a soda.
5. You follow soccer.
6. You eat at Durgin Park.
7. You pronounce it "Worchester" or "Glouchester".
8. You call it "COPEly" Square.

1. Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street.
2. Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda. Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D.
3. If the streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
4. All avenues are properly referenced by their nicknames: Comm Ave, Mass Ave, Dot Ave. Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain. Readville doesn't exist.

1. Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End.
2. Eastie is EastBoston.
3. The North End is east of the West End.
4. The West End and Scollay Square are no more - a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night.

1. Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't.
2. If it's fizzy and flavored, it's tonic. Soda is club soda.
3. Pop is Dad.
4. When we mean tonic WATER, we say tonic WATER.
5. The smallest beer is a pint.
6. Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
7. If you paid more than $6 a pound, you got scrod.
8. It's not a water fountain, it's a bubblah.
9. It's not a trash can, it's a barrel.
10. It's not a shopping cart, it's a carriage.
11. It's not a purse, it's a pock-a-book.
12. Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it and eat it with baked beans.
13. They're not franks, they're haaht daahgs. Franks are money in France.

1. Don't call it Beantown.
2. Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffed(Medford) or Sumaville (Somerville).
3. Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill Weld tells you.
4. Don't sleep in the Common.
5. Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.

1. There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new).
2. Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
3. It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies if they're losing), the Seltz, the Broons.
4. The underground train is not a subway. It's the T, and it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Massachusetts driver never uses them. Use of them in Boston may be illegal.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Massachusetts is a no-fault insurance state and the other driver has nothing to lose.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the backup.
9. The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Massachusetts look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the State Police Radar car parked on the median.
10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
12. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Mass driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
13. Please remember that New Hampshire is the Granite State, named so for a reason. Try to stay on the road.
14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even if someone is just changing a tire.
15. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway Crews something to clean up.
16. It is assumed that State Police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need make up a few minutes in your travel.
17. Learn to swerve abruptly. Massachusetts is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to DOT, which places potholes in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.
18. It is traditional in Massachusetts to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Boston where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.
20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. In Maine it is allowed to stop and then decide which direction to turn.
21. Remember that the goal of every Massachusetts driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
22. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

EVIDENCE THAT YOU LIVE IN THE YEAR 2001

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a new screen saver.
8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it's out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.
12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.
13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person!
19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
21. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your breakfast.
22. You wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your way back to bed.
23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
24. You're thinking how true all of this is.
25. Even worse, you're probably going to forward it to someone else.

I DREAMED I HAD AN INTERVIEW WITH GOD

“What questions do you have in mind for me?”
“What surprises you most about humankind?...”

God answered...“That they get bored with childhood.
They rush to grow up and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and
then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present,
such that they live in neither the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and die as if they had never lived.”

God’s hand took mine and we were silent for awhile
And then I asked...“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons
you want your children to learn?”

God replied with a smile…“To learn they cannot make anyone love them.
What they can do is let themselves be loved.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds
in persons we love, and it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons who love them dearly,
but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others.
But that they must forgive themselves.
And to learn that I am here always.”

FUZZY MATH

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA they decided to send it to President Clinton.

The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would  appear to be a lot of money to the little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C...as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00

TAKE THIS QUIZ

2.  Finish the line: "Lions and Tigers and Bears, ______ _____!"

3.  "Hey kids, what time is it?" _____ ______ _____ _____.

4.  What do M & M's do? ___ ___ ___ ___ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____.

5.  What helps build strong bodies twelve ways? _____ ______.

6.  Long before he was Mohammed Ali, we knew him as _______ ______.

7.  You'll wonder where the yellow went, ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ _____ _____.

8.  Post-baby boomers know Bob Denver as the Skipper's "little buddy." But we know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie's closest friend, ______ G. _______.

9.  M-I-C: See ya' real soon; K-E-Y: _____? ____ _____ _____ _____!

10.  "Brylcream: ____ ____ _____ _____ _____."

11.  Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone _____ _____.

12.  From the early days of our music, real rock 'n roll, finish this line: "I wonder, wonder, wonder...wonder who; ____ ______ _____ _____ _____ ____?"

13.  And while we're remembering rock n' roll, try this one:  "War...uh-huh, huh...yea; what is it good for? , _________ __________."

14.  Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and _____ ___________ _____.

15.  He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL. He later went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women's stockings. He is Broadway _____ _________.

16.  "I'm Popeye the sailor man; I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm strong to the finish, ____ ___ ____ ___ ___________. I'm Popeye the sailor man,"

17.  Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was recently played by Robin Williams, but we will always remember when Peter was played by ______ _______.

18.  In a movie from the late sixties, Paul Newman played Luke, a ne'er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter. When he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape, the camp commander (played by Strother Martin) used this experience as a lesson or the other prisoners, and explained, "What we have here, ____ ____ ____ ____ ____________."

19.  In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement from politics. "Just think, you won't have ____ ____ to kick around anymore."

20.  "Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive; He stood six foot, six, weighed 245. Kinda' broad at the shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you didn't give no lip to, ____ ______ , _____ _____ _____."

21.  "I found my thrill, _____ __________ _____."

22.  ________ ________ said, "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, __________ _____ _____."

23.  "Good night, David." "_____ ______,______."

24.  "Liar, liar, ____ ____ _____."

25.  "When it's least expected, you're elected. You're the star today.  _______! _____ ______ ______ ______."

26.  It was Pogo, the comic strip character, who said, "We have met the enemy, and ____ ___ ____."

CLICK HERE FOR THE ANSWERS